July 16th 1865 :: Lydia Collins to Lizzie Berlin

Randolph July 16 Sunday Evening

Sister Lizzie

It has been some time since I received your letter but miy ar such that it is all most impossible for me to write. yet it is so good to receive letters. I think of you Oh so much and wish you could be here with me. and my dear old Father & Mother, how I want to see them. never did they seem so dear to me as they do since my hearts desire has been taken from me. perhaps my heart was to much sentred on that wone object but it has been removed. all my high raised expectations from that beloved object wich now moulders in distance perished in a day.

I some times think that aflictions are put upon us that we in a see and know that their is a higher ruler that governs. little did I think one year a go when Victor Stanford was brought home a corps that I so soon should have to go through with the same trial that dear Nelse did. little did I realise her feeling but now I can sympathyse deeply with her. we spend a great deal of time together. we do not tire of each others society as those do that never have parted with all that made life sweet in this world.

everything looks dark and dreary to me and yet I must live untill god sees fit to take me to that better world and I some times think the time that I shall have to Stay here will be short for I cannot live very long feeling as I do now. I do not know what to do. I have a good home but I cannot live there a lone and cannot be contented any other plase. I often think if you were only living here some of you could be with me or I could go home and stay part of the time.

you wrote you thought it would be the best thing I could do to come out west and stay a while but I do not think I could be contented to be so far a way from my home and Myrons grave. the to dearest spots on this earth. I have not staid at home but little of the time since Myron was buried. I wander a bout from wone plase to a nother. I am now at Mother Collins. you know how quiet and lonly it seems, my weary heart yearns for home.

Tuesday afternoon

I recd a letter from Mary yesterday she is well and wonders why you do not write to her. I was up to Sarahs last weeak. her health is not verry good. she laid a bed all day the day I was there but was better when I come a way. I should have staid but I wanted to tend Walace Steadmans funeral. It chills me to the heart to tell you that he is dead and to say that his own hand caused his death. To think his dear wife has but little to comfort or console her in dark sad hour of her sorrow and yet how calmly she bears it. what a misterous death. think of his friends, how can they bear this. how much more comforting it is to think the hand of god has taken our dear friends for we then have a hope of meeting them a gain. what a happy thought that we shall meet them a gain. I will not give you the perticulars a bout him.

Julian Slabaugh has just been here and is going west. she will tell you more than I can write a bout him. Julia called to know if I had any word to send. I could not think of any thing but if I could see you I could say a great deal. I told her to bring one of you home with her but I do not know as it would be best for I do not know what I shall do yet. Oh if I could have seen Myron & he could have advisd me then I could do different but here I am a lone. you well know that I am not capable of managing or running buisness for myself but I will trust to providence.

The note I had from Father in regard to the money did not seem very sadisfactory. he Said Father Collins could do as he pleased. he might either send the money or go in to lands. he will not send it untill he hears from Father again you can rest assured.

I recd a letter from Fred but have not answered it yet but will soon. I suppose you had a very nise time the fourth. did you think of those that were sand and lonely. I went over to my home and staid part of the day & then went over to the green yard. all a lone and wept such bitter tears over the grave of that dear departed wone. I staid there untill it was all most dark. for nine years I have spent the fourth with Myron. how happy I was and now how sad.

I must close such a sad letter as this will not interest you but you know not the feelings of this heart. good by. write soon. give my love to all. your broke hearted Sister Lydia Collins

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Lydia's husband, Myron Collins, died of illness in a Nashville Hospital on April 26, 1865. They were married on November 12, 1858.

Mary and Sarah are Lydia's sisters. Sarah was seven months pregnant.

Fred is the husband of Lydia's sister, Catherine Richmond.

See The Berlin Family :: List of The Letters for a complete listing of all of the family letters.